I used to live for the fairytale; some days I still do.
Life has a way of dulling our belief in love as we get older, and I sometimes really struggle with that reality. I often feel like my outlook on love is out-dated in that the notion of loving someone, truly, and being loved in return has always felt like the reason for it all to me. The idea of having someone to share your life with and pour your love into every day has always filled me with a sense of purpose and contentment. The fairytale was always a dream I was determined to make my reality, but as we journey through life and experience real relationships it becomes clear that actually things aren’t always so black and white and perhaps, despite our best efforts, the fairytale simply doesn’t exist.
After discussing relationships with a friend the other day and how they can end up being way more difficult or complicated that you ever imagined, he made the statement, ‘you realise the fairytale doesn’t exist.’ It’s been stuck in my head ever since.
Up until a few years ago, I was sure that I would never accept less than what I knew was ‘true love’. I would never stay with someone who had made me cry, or said something mean to me in a fight; I would never settle for someone who had a doubt in us working, or could bear the thought of living without me. But with the journey of living comes a new perception as you gain experience and understanding of things that you otherwise didn’t really know much about. There isn’t always a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ way to love, as I originally thought, and sometimes you realise that with great love comes great complications, and bumps in the road that you never expected to endure. It isn’t always so clear-cut and determined; and maybe that’s ok. Maybe embracing that allows us to gain even more than we first believed possible.
No matter how compatible you are, or how much you love someone, there will be times when you just annoy the hell out of each other, and have rows over stupid things (or not so stupid things haha). As individual human beings we can’t always be aligned. You’re bound to have different opinions on something, or develop habits or traits that get on each others nerves at times, but I think the main point to remember is that loving is a choice. You choose to love every day. It doesn’t just happen; it isn’t something that just exists as we do; it’s the manifestation of conscious action and investment into loving a person continuously.
The idea that the fairytale doesn’t exist a) doesn’t sit well with me and b) I don’t believe for a second. There’s too much love in this world to be disheartened by the idea that fairytales don’t exist. I think it’s fair to say that the fairytales we grow up with probably are slightly unattainable. It isn’t often you hear about your pal meeting Prince Charming and living happily ever after – no, unfortunately life is a little bit more complex than that. However, I think the underlying principles of fairytales are true. You meet someone, you enjoy the courtship and process of slowly falling in love, and the happily ever after comes from the fact that having someone to share your life with does help to ease the burdens of life. It brings an abundance of happiness and beauty that aids the creation of life characterised by laughter, joy and companionship (with a little bit of heat on the side) which is a fairytale in itself.
You create your own fairytales.
Each relationship has been on it’s own journey; the two people in it have travelled their own path together and have their own story, their own history, to share. No relationship is foreign to enduring hardships or challenges, but the beauty is found in the perseverance to continue in spite of such things. These unique character traits combine to create that couple’s unique fairytale. It might not conform to this universal standard conditioned into us, but that doesn’t make it any less true or beautiful.
Any relationship you look at, any love shared between two souls, allows two more people to find their own fairytale and, in a very broad interpretation of the phrase, live happily ever after. Each ‘fairytale’ may never be shared with the world, it may never touch the hearts of millions, but it stays close to the hearts of those who live it, day in day out, and that’s pretty wonderful.
We all know that a relationship doesn’t define your life, and you don’t need a relationship to complete you or make you happy by any standards. But regardless of that fact, dare to believe in the magic of love again, and let the notion of living a fairytale once again become a space for possibilities to blossom in your life.